99 Cars on the Wall
by S. Rossi
Summary: This is a Stephanie Plum story that will continue until 99 of her cars have been destroyed. Stephanie is making some changes, what will Joe and Ranger think of her new attitude? How long will her "no more rolling in garbage" rule last? Read to find out!


**Disclaimer:** The characters all belong to the wonderful Janet Evanovich.

I was used to bad days, but this was the queen mother of all bad days ever had by anyone. My name is Stephanie Plum and my second car of the day, a cute little Honda Civic just burst into flames. I watched in disbelief, I mean really you think I'd be used to this by now, but nope still have to pinch myself each time it happens. I immediately check my eyebrows to make sure they are still there, and then wonder how far I am from Tasty Pastry. I really needed a sugar fix.

It all began like any other day, I woke up at 7:00 AM jumped in the shower, and proceeded to do the hair thing. Once I was satisfied with that I applied a few layers of mascara and picked my outfit for the day. I wanted to look good. Joe Morelli and I were currently off again, and I wanted to make sure he knew what he was missing out on. If the other man in my life Ranger aka Batman happened to look my way then so be it. I gave Rex a grape, really Rex was the only man I needed in my life and I was going to keep telling myself that until it sunk in.

I threw everything I needed for the day in my bag including my gun, loaded. Hey, new day, new attitude! No longer was I going to be dependent on anyone else to help catch my skips. Did I mention I was a bail enforcement agent? That's just a longer and not as cool way to say bounty hunter. It's not as glamorous as you may think, I often wind up rolling in garbage, or with my cars blown up. Today was the end of all of that. Today I was going to be taken seriously, no longer would I be anyone's source of entertainment. No sir. Today I was going to do it all my way and I was going to kick ass.

Whistling I headed to my current car, a 2004 Saturn Ion. I'd had Penelope for 3 months now. Yes, Penelope. Normally I don't bother to name my cars but I had a good feeling about this one. She was mine to keep and she fit the new improved Stephanie. Just as I started to make my towards her I heard a loud boom, it was deafening really. I fell to the ground with a sick feeling in my stomach. I'd been around one too many exploding cars not to be familiar with the sound. I looked up hoping I was wrong but no my sweet Penelope was making her way to car heaven. I'm pretty sure there was a special section reserved for the cars owned by Stephanie Plum, at least I hoped so.

I sighed and got my cell phone out of the bag. My new kick ass I can do everything on my own attitude was going to have to be put on hold. The phone rang twice before I heard the voice that I suspect will always send electricity to my doodah.

"Babe" he said.

"Hey Ranger, how are you today?" I replied, trying to sound as opposite of I just blew up another car and I need your help as I possibly could.

"Babe" he said again. He never makes things easy!

"Ok ok, Penelope blew up, I really need sugar, and it'd be great if I could get a ride to my dad's house so I can pick up the Buick." I said in a rush.

There was a pause and I was almost positive he was going to hang up on me.

"Babe" he said one last time with more feeling and a bit of a sigh. Then he disconnected.

Well that was just fine with me, because along with my new attitude I am also going to stop caring what the men in my life think about me. I wasn't good enough for Joe the way I was, that was just too damn bad. As for Ranger, all these mixed messages were giving me a headache. I was going with a strict hands off policy from now on.

Pulling me out of my thoughts were the fast approaching sirens, I groaned. I was in no mood to deal with Joe who always seems to show up when I'm in trouble. I wasn't sure whether it was because he was worried, or whether he wanted to see if my good luck had finally run out so he could say I told you so.

"Steph, you ok?" Eddie Gazzara asked.

"I'm alright Eddie, I can't say the same for Penelope though." I replied.

"Penelope? There was someone in the car?" he exclaimed.

I watched as he jumped into action, rushing to correct him.

"No, no. Penelope was the car's name. I know it was silly to name her but it had been a couple of months, I actually thought this one would last. Man I hate when people blow my cars up."

"I'm sorry Steph." He grinned at me, I suspected he was amused. I swear some days I felt like I should be charging admission as one of the Burg's most popular entertainment sources. The zoo has nothing on me.

"Any idea who is targeting you this time?" he asked breaking my train of thoughts.

"This time? You make it sound like I have a bulls eye on my forehead attracting these psychos. All I wanted was to get out of bed, eat a boston creme or 5, go to the office, pick up my files, and catch a skip or two without rolling around in garbage. I don't ask for this, this isn't my fault." I know I was rambling but a girl can only take so much!

I heard a throat clear behind me. I turned around, oh boy.

"Babe."

"Cupcake."

It was going to be a long day.


End file.
